Al Gore Trapped In Blizzard En Route To Climate Fundraiser

January 4, 2014 2:15 pm 10 comments

CHICAGO – Former vice president and current global warming superstar, Albert Arnold Gore Jr., was trapped in his limousine on Chicago’s Lake Shore Drive last night for thirty minutes after the limo slid into a twelve foot snow bank. Although Mr. Gore did not receive any physical injuries, his driver said that Mr. Gore may have had a nervous breakdown. A spokesperson for the Gore empire issued a statement this morning.

“President Albert Gore, former U.S. Senator, Grammy and Academy Award winner and humbled recipient of the prestigious Nobel Peace Prize is resting comfortably at his new home in the esteemed Malibu Beach community of beautiful sunny southern California. He would like to express his heartfelt thanks to the dozens of devotees who’ve sent recycled cards wishing him a speedy recovery. He is well aware of the necessity of his presence in our deteriorating world, and he wants his disciples to know that after a few months of rest aboard his new yacht he will board his private jet and travel to far and distant lands to forecast that all humans will soon suffer unimaginable agony and despair in the ever advancing apocalypse of global warming. The Gore estate will continue to accept large financial donations to help pay for his selfless and benevolent predictions of impending wretchedness and torment. So we beseech you to please continue to donate large sums of money. With enough cash Mr. Gore is confident that, through his unrelenting determination and struggle to combat global warming, he can almost guarantee that your children will not die before they reach the tenth, maybe even the eleventh grade.”

Mr. Gore’s limo driver told reporters from the National Enquirer that the former vice president and Nobel Peace Prize recipient had a psychological meltdown during their stay in the snowbank.

“President Gore was quite shaken when it became apparent that he would miss the fund raiser. When our cell phone reception disappeared he began squirming around the back of the limo like a caged animal. That’s when he began screaming into his cell phone.

“Somebody, please answer me! Hello? This is Al Gore! Somebody answer Al Gore’s cry for help! Somebody please, answer Al Gore’s cry for help! I repeat, this is President Al Gore! Somebody help President Al Gore!”

“When I told President Gore that his phone wasn’t getting a signal,” the driver continued, “he rightfully told me to keep my mouth shut because I was just a limo driver who had never received a big important trophy in front of lots of people. Then he started hyperventilating and screaming that we were going to die. By the time help arrived he’d collapsed into a fetal position in the back of the limo mumbling:

“Five hundred and thirty-seven votes. Five hundred and thirty-seven votes. Five hundred and thirty-seven votes. Five hundred and thirty-seven votes…..”

When reporters contacted Mr. Gore’s ex-wife, Tipper, her spokesperson said the former first lady has been away shopping for the past six months and is expected to continue shopping for several more years.

Daily Rash


  • Claude P Murray

    I feel sorry for you Mr Gore, what a horrible experience to half to go through, but am so glad it happened to you and can only say that it’s to bad it didn’t happen to the rest of your Global Warming Friends the Farce’s that they are! What a horrible experience to have to miss one of your fund raiser’s that might have put a few extra hundred thousand dollars that you could have used for fuel for your private jet or fuel for your yacht. I’m sure you’ve gone through your Pulitzer Prize monies by now for being so very smart on Global Warming!I do hope that in the future you and your lefties keep on taking money from those that know no better. That article nearly brought tears to my eyes for you! How awful!
    A conservative friend! Best Regards! And may Tipper spend your last Penny!
    Sincerely. Claude P. Murray

  • Sovereign Mary

    I wish Gore would turn into a pillar of salt! Or, better yet a pile of dung! True dung does not breath, talk or swindle. It just dissolves and disappears into the earth when rained upon.

  • “The LIMO”??? Was it battery powered,,,oh yeah, battery powered cars don’t work too well in sub-zero temps. So much for his Carbon Footprint. Goes right along with his polluting private plane that puts out the MOST pollutants of any of the Gulfstreams made. Also his house used 18 times the amount of energy as the Average American home…What a Hypocrite!!!!

  • Gore’s Global Warming Secret

    You’ll never guess what initially inspired Al Gore’s “temperature” mania – the one that’s raised our tempers.
    Well, Gore is from Tennessee where you can hear Bible belt preachers warning about “Hell fire” in the next life.
    And Gore, concerned about this life, is surrounded by those who also know about the prediction in Revelation (chapter 16) of the coming time when a change in the sun will result in humans being “scorched with great heat”!
    It wouldn’t be convenient if folks were to discover that Gore, a liberal, was influenced by the handbook closely associated with Christian fundamentalists!
    If Tennessee fundy preachers could look at the same predictions-packed apocalyptic book and stretch forward in time some future events, Gore could surely do the same thing and stretch forward the “great heat” and turn it into cold cash.
    All of us are well aware of the incredible influence that the Gore-orrhea plague has had on the whole world including the White House!
    But Gore’s overlooked another Bible verse which says that “there is nothing hid that shall not be revealed.”
    The real “inconvenient truth” is that the SS Al Gore is now stuck in ice – and what we need is a Gorebreaker!

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