Chris Christie’s Staff Blames Bridge Closing On Anti-Islam Video

TRENTON – This afternoon staff members loyal to New Jersey Governor Chris Christie alleged that the September closing of traffic lanes leading to the George Washington bridge was the result of a spontaneous reaction to an anti-Islam YouTube video. Although Gov. Christie has apologized for “unwittingly” misleading the public, calling the bridge closing “embarrassing and humiliating,” his staffers have nevertheless filed a complaint with the justice department, calling for an FBI investigation. Christie spokesman Collin Reed read a brief statement to reporters.

The information, the best information and the best assessment we have today is that in fact these were not preplanned, premeditated lane closings. That what happened was a spontaneous reaction to a vile and despicable film that pokes fun at the prophet Mohammad. Let me state very clearly and I hope it is obvious, that the New Jersey Governor’s office had absolutely nothing to do with this insensitive video. We absolutely reject its content and message and call for the immediate investigation of its filmmaker.

After attending a fundraiser at Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein’s Malibu home today, President Obama was asked by reporters to comment on the latest news out of New Jersey.

I want to personally extend my heartfelt sympathies to the victims of the lane closings,” Obama said. “If I had family members who commuted from New Jersey to New York, some of them would look like the folks stuck on the George Washington bridge. Now, it seems highly implausible that the horrifying chaos so many of us watched unfold on that bridge was a spontaneous reaction to a silly YouTube video. And I find it even harder to believe the American people are gullible enough to accept such a ludicrous story. The American people aren’t stupid.

Vice President Biden was cajoling seniors to purchase shotguns at the End of the Linenursing home in Baltimore when a resident asked him about the YouTube video story.

It’s down right embarrassing Governor Christie’s people have decided to blame the closing of that bridge on a harmless video in order to cover their own butts,” Biden told the seniors. “The American people aren’t stupid, folks. I can tell that just just by looking at ya’ll. Now, how many of you are gonna believe a video nobody has seen triggered the carnage on the George Washington bridge?” Biden smiled and winked at the seniors. “See, I knew you were a smart bunch. Now, who wants to buy a double barrel shotgun?

Shortly after news of the YouTube video allegations began circulating, MSNBC’s Chris Matthews received a phone call from former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton during the taping of his show, Hardball.

CHRIS MATTHEWS: I’m on the phone live with former Secretary of State Clinton. Thank you for calling, Madam Secretary.

HILLARY: Oh, my pleasure Chris.

CHRIS MATTHEWS: Madam Secretary, what was your initial reaction when you heard the Christie people blaming a YouTube video for the George Washington bridge lane closings?

HILLARY: Oh gosh, Chris. Not only is it shameful to blame a harmless video that nobody’s seen for the massacre on that bridge, but to hide behind a lie in order to avoid responsibility is … well, it’s unconscionable.

CHRIS MATTHEWS: Amazing isn’t it, Madam Secretary?

HILLARY: What kind of people are capable of such acts of cowardice, Chris? It’s deplorable, inexcusable and frankly, it’s un- American.

CHRIS MATTHEWS: You hit the nail on the head, Madam President. Ha! It is un-American! Look, I know you have to go but I have to ask, are you running for president in 2016?

HILLARY: (laughing loudly) Oh gosh, Chris, the last thing on my mind right now is running for president!

CHRIS MATTHEWS: Thank you for calling, Madam President. I’m back with my guest, African American journalist, Eugene Robinson. (Looks at Robinson) What the heck is going on in New Jersey, my African American friend?  Is this Chris Christie’s dress stain? His illegitimate love-child? His toe-tap in the airport men’s room?


CHRIS MATTHEWS: And my God, what about the covert racism? Are Republicans ever going to evolve from the Jim Crow era? Did you happen to notice how many times Gov. Christie said bridge during his mea culpa?

EUGENE ROBINSON: Uh, another racial code word?

CHRIS MATTHEWS: Ha! Look at you, Eugene, playing naive! Ha! Why doesn’t Christie just wear his white hood to press conferences?


CHRIS MATTHEWS: But the gall, Eugene … laying the blame for the lane closings on a video nobody’s seen? Is that the best they can do? How stupid do these white men think we are? Is it any wonder Republicans have alienated women and Hispanics? Huh? Talk to me my African American friend.

EUGENE ROBINSON: Well, what I think ….

CHRIS MATTHEWS: Hold on, Eugene. (listens to earpiece) Looks like they need to wipe the spittle off the camera lens again. Let’s take a commercial break and when we come back, MSNBC lesbian Rachel Maddow will tell us about the devastating effects Christie’s bridge closing had on the LGBT community. You’re watching Hardball!

The Daily Rash


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